When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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