He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
