you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
