if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
