drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
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