i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
