and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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