I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
