By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
