you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Farmville is her only friend.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
