i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
