Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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