then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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