My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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