her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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