we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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