God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I wear drunk well.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
