Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
