I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
