Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
