I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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