It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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