I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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