we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
