90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
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