my vag is so smooth its legendary
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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