So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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