dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
