so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
