I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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