If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Good thing I've started drinking again