Wat do u mean how?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
19 Unhappily Married People Confess The Red Flags They Ignored
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
These 23 People Destroyed Their Entire Lives In An Instant
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"