do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown