I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
two words...techno handjob
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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