The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
