I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
