I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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