Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
