That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
