i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
