I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
