Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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