I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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