around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
