Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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