I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
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