Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
