went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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