In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Randomize
