I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
