I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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