It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
