pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
