do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
