its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
