1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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