i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
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