ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
