I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
