do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
