I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
