i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
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