Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
