Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
