You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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