It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
